How to STOP Negative self-talk and Start living

By,
Vivek Singh Chauhan

         Are you feeling less motivated towards doing things that you enjoyed doing earlier? Is your performance quality dropping? Is it happening without anybody having said something extremely negative to you? If your answer is ‘yes’ to the above three questions then you might be doing what is called negative self-talk.

According to psychologists, negative self-talk is expressing counter-productive feelings and thoughts about one’s own self. It has a demotivating effect and tremendously reduces confidence. Self-talk is something we all do naturally when we think. The problem comes when this self-talk turns negative. It is not a conscious act and hence is not easy to recognize by own self.

The effects of negative self-talk can range from lack of concentration to severe demotivation and sometimes, even depression. It does not impact any one aspect of life but impacts the personality of the individual. Lower confidence, withdrawal from social circle and open self-criticism become common issues. This in turn impacts every aspect of life – personal, professional and social. The extent of the impact can be so much that one no longer feels comfortable with one’s own self.

Negative self-talk can turn into a vicious circle where self-criticism and mistakes follow each other. A mistake or rejection can make one begin criticizing his own self and use negative self-talk by saying things like “I am not good for anything.” This can in turn cause demotivation and lead to poor performance the next time leading to affirmation of the negative self-talk. People facing such issues feel that they cannot do anything about the situation. However once identified, negative-self talk can be corrected and even converted to positive self-talk. This can help gain the confidence and zeal of life back.

Since negative self-talk is an unconscious act, the very first step to correcting it is becoming aware of it. Whenever you experiences a situation where you are faced with rejections or negative situations, it is important to become alert and observe your thoughts. Are the thoughts negative? Do you hear yourself saying demotivating things to yourself in your head? If yes, then try to locate the voice in your head and where it is coming from. It is very important to identify the source of such thoughts. Know clearly where it is coming from and be able to identify it amongst all other thoughts and emotions.

Once identified, one simple way of dealing with these negative thoughts and emotions is convert it into something harmless. Focus on the negative voice and try to convert it to something funny, for example, the voice of Mickey Mouse or Donal Duck. Let the voice remain in your head along with the things it says and the words it uses. Instead of it being your own voice, imagine how it would sound if the same thing was said by Mickey Mouse or Sylvester the cat. This will have a reverse effect of the negative self-talk. Instead of the voice dampening your spirits, it will only make you smile. This has to be done every time there are negative thoughts running in your head or when you hear the voice saying negative things about you. Over time, the voice will stop bothering you.

Another alternative method of managing negative self-talk is to stop the voice in your head every time it comes up. The simplest way of doing this saying “Stop”, “Cancel” etc. in your head to stop the voice in your head. Saying stop or cancel forces the brain to react and stops the negative thoughts. This will also have to be repeated over time till the negative self-talk can be conditioned and controlled.

In case the above methods are not working for you, another method is humming a song or a piece of music every time the negative self-talk begins. Humming a song or a piece of music distracts the brain and takes away the concentration from the negative thoughts. Similar to humming is listening to something else more constructive or something harmless that can help distract the brain from the negative voice in the head.

Another great way to deal with negative self-talk is converting the negative thoughts to positive ones. Whenever the voice in your head says anything negative, ignore the negative thought and re-enforce positive thoughts. For example, if the voice in your head says “I am not good for anything”, tell yourself positive things like “This was one instance. I am going to do much better next time. I can do it.” Such kind of positive self-talk can help boost confidence and keep away the negative feelings and thoughts.

Such efforts to deal with negative self-talk are called cognitive behavior therapy (CBT). The idea behind CBT is to make conscious efforts towards identifying the situations where one begins negative self-talk and use techniques like those mentioned earlier to condition their behavior to deal with the negative voice in the head.

Negative self-talk enlarges some of our weaknesses out of proportion and creates a reality out of it. Like knowing that we can do something helps us stay motivated and achieve it, knowing that we cannot do something makes us give up without trying. Negative self-talk makes us believe that we cannot do something by exaggerating our one failure.

It is hence essential to know our strengths and weaknesses to avoid negative self-talking. Realizing our potential makes us confident and even if we encounter failures, it helps us stay motivated. It helps us search for reasons for failure and work on them to improve ourselves rather than blame and accuse our self. If negative self-talk has become too strongly ingrained, it can be taken up as a challenge and proving it wrong can be a great confidence booster.

Staying positive in any given situation is the key to peaceful and healthy life. Studies have shown that people who remain positive have more satisfying relationships and hence low divorce rates. It has also been observed that people with more positive thoughts have higher productivity at work. Positive thoughts keep you prepared and open to meeting new people, building strong social circles, even finding an interesting date. A productive career or a romantic love interest, anything is achievable provided we begin from within by controlling the negative voice in our head.